her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
