Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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