it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Even my vagina gasped.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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