he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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