I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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