He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
