I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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