my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
