They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
