so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
