Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
