My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
