hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
