I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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