you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
