Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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