hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
