we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
