It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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