So drunk its hurt
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
