shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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