I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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