i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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