she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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