An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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