You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
