He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
