I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
