i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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