New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
