The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You took a bar mat shot.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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