Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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