I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
