It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
