I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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