We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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