I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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