Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think my fart just growled at me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
