we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
