Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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