she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
