well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
