Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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