Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
