are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
