my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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