Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
