So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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