so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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