I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
40s are totally the cure
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
